I Don't Want To Die
by Suku17
Summary: Demyx is in the hospital. All the doctors say he won't make it, but his friends disagree. A sad story, bright in places, and dark around the edges. REad and leave a comment.
1. I Don't Wanna die

_**Dedicated to: **_-**An Unhealthy Zemyx Obsession-**_**  
**_

_**This is a very sad fanfiction... I don't know why I wrote it. But just be warned, Demyx is dying. I love him, and like I said I don't know why I wrote this. I was in the angsty fic mood. So read at your will, but please don't review or message me saying it made you cry... it made me cry too and I don't want anyone else to hurt. This has a deeper meaning than you think. Enjoy!**_

_**-Suku17**  
_

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**_"Hey oh, here I am,  
And here we go, life's waiting to begin,  
Tonight_**

**_Hey oh, here I am  
And Here we go, life's waiting to begin  
Tonight..."_**

I'm lying here tonight in this hospital bed and I don't know what I'm going to do. The doctor's say I only have a few more months to live... why me? I didn't do anything to deserve this, did I? If I did... please tell me how I can fix it. I don't wanna die... please... whatever god there may be... help me live. All I wanted to do was live... and I got this. I don't want to die... and I'm scared. I took too many days for granted and now my time is running out.

I'm feeling sick from the chemo and doctors still wonder why my hair hasn't fallen out. I guess I'm going to die with SOME dignity. But I don't want to die. My friends come in and visit me, but it doesn't feel right. Axel always sneaks in his CD player with one of my favorite CDs, and Roxas's smile always helps brighten the room, but Zexion... he's so sad nowadays. He tells me, "Demyx, you're going to make it. I'm praying for you... I love you." Zexy is afraid for me and I'm afraid for me, too. I'm afraid to sleep at night because I think I might not wake up tomorrow... I don't want to die.

Today, Axel brought my Angels and Airwaves CD. I started crying during "The Adventure." Axel hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay. Or else he'd light all of the doctors on fire and give me a new body. That made me laugh. I hadn't really laughed in a long time, so that felt good. Vexen came in a little later with some tea and a book. The book was called, "Music: A Life Of Passion" The tea was good, and I'm still reading the book. I really like it. I'll tell Vexen that when he comes tomorrow. He always smiles when people like his books. I was in a pretty good mood. Zexion came and for the first time in a long time he had a smile on his face. He walked in whistling "Mr. Brightside" at least. We talked for awhile. After about half an hour, the blonde-haired nurse told him visiting hours were up. It was sad he had to leave, but the nurse promised she would start my hours early tomorrow and run them late just for Zexion. I like her. She's pretty, and nice.

Zexion said goodbye and kissed me on the forehead. Larxene slipped in at the last second and slid one of her kunai under the mattress of my bed. She said it was good luck. I believe her. I feel better than ever.

Outside my room, I can see a doctor talking to Zexion. He must be saying something about me because Zexion gets that look on his face. I can read his lips. "He's not going to die, " is what he said. He leans really close to the doctor and says something that must've been a threat becuase the doctor flinches and steps back. Zexion tapped the window and flashed me a smile. I smiled back.

I don't know why I'm writing this... it feels like I'm writing my own will. If I was, it would look like this...:

**My Will**

** I Demyx, being of sound mind and body, hereby leave everything I own to the Organization XIII. Munny, clothing, obscure possesions...**

**And I leave to the world my last words...**

**You are only truly dying when you can't hear the music anymore and the lights in your friend's and lover's eyes begins to fade.**

Yeah. That would be my will. The Pretty nurse is coming into the room. She has a pillow and two cups of cocoa with her. She's smiling at me. She likes to come in and hear my stories at night. I like telling her about all the things I've done. It feels good to be able to talk to someone. She brings cocoa with her all the time. She says chocolate is the only real medicine, besides love. I think she's right. If.. not if, WHEN I get out of here, I'm going to send her a million boxes of chocolates and a billion roses. And a mix CD. Just because.

I told her the story about the time Xigbar, Xaldin, Zexion, Axel, Vexen, me, and Luxord gave Xemnas that huge surprise on his birthday...

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"Xigbar left a note that said, "Look up" and there were arrows on the ceiling. Xigbar can walk on ceilings, remember? So Xemnas followed them to a trail of little paper hearts that led him to the meeting room. From there, he followed Zexion's rope to a box. Inside was a scent. Zexion can do that. Just because that's how he rolls. Anyway, Xemnas followed the scent to the lab where Vexen left two bottles of chemicals. Xemnas mixed them and they made this gas that made a bunch of arrows light up on the wall. Xemnas followed THOSE arrows to Axel's room. There was a chunk of charred wood against the wall pointing to the library. He walked there and Luxord had a bunch of cards laying on the table so they made a big arrow. He followed THAT arrow to my room where my sitar was lying on the ground pointing outside. Xemnas went outside and we had a giant heart-shaped cake and presents and everything." Demyx was out of breath by now. 

"Wow. That seems like a lot to go through for just one person, don't you think?" The Pretty nurse smiled and raised her eyebrow.

""No." Demyx smiled and took a drink of his cocoa. "That's when Xemnas started smiling more. It was worth it." Demyx laughed and smiled wider. " I like it when people smile. It makes me feel like I make a difference." Demyx sipped his cocoa again. _I wish Zexion could smile... but smiling is pretty hard nowadays... _

The nurse smiled at Demyx. "You do make a difference. Even to me!"

Demyx looked at her, his expression surprised. "How?"

The nurse laughed. "You should know! I haven't smiled this much for a long time!" She took a drink of her cocoa, still smiling.

"Why not?" Demyx was confused. How could someone as light-hearted at this nurse NOT always be smiling? "You smile so much when you're here, why not out there?" Demyx tilted his head to the side. _Wow... maybe she's like Zexy. I still don't understand how someone as pretty as this nurse and Zexion could hurt on the inside._

"My boyfriend died in a car accident a few months ago..." The nurse's smile faded a little bit.

Demyx looked at her, wide-eyed. _I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if Zexion died... I'd probably kill myself!!! _"Oh no... that's terrible. I'm sorry..." Demyx didn't know what to say. "My friend Larxene had a boyfriend, once. She talks about him sometimes. She says she really loved him." Demyx turned to the nurse. "Why do things like that always happen to nice people?"

The nurse looked at him, surprised by his question. "I... I don't know. I don't understand it, either." she set down her cup. " I don't understand why someone as nice, and loving as you could end up here." She looked at Demyx with her emerald green eyes. "I know you'll make it. You have to."

Now it was Demyx's turn to look surprised. "How do you know?"

The nurse smiled at him. "God has a way with rewarding people like you." She smiled and kissed his forehead gently. "You'll make it. For your silver-haired friend. I know you will." She picked up the empty cups and smiled at Demyx again. "I'll leave your lamp on for awhile. Good night, Demyx."

Demyx watched her leave. "Good night." _I'm going to make it. That's what she said. For Zexion... I'll fight forever. _

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**To be continued... in chapter 2!**  



	2. A Light In The Darkness

THE NEXT DAY.

Demyx woke up to the sound of screaming. In his room, there was a curtain separater. On the other side, there was a woman. Demyx remembered something about a dog and her, but he didn't ask about it. Three nurses came in and opened the separater. One of them took the woman's hand and started whispering something to her. The other two checked her machines and her leg.

After a few minutes, the woman was calmed down. The nurses left, and she waved at Demyx. He waved back. She had chocolate brown hair, and he could see she had bright, sky-blue eyes. Soon, the Pretty nurse came in with their breakfast. "Here you go, Demyx. One tray of gruel, a la carte." She smiled and Demyx laughed. The food may have looked bad, but it tasted fine. Demyx was never one to leave food uneaten, no matter what it looked like.

He ate it slowly, to pass the time before visiting hours started. He could see out the window to the hallway. He could see just a little bit into the waiting room. He caught a glimpse of bluish-silver hair and a black outfit. Zexion!

The Pretty nurse came in again. "Demyx, you have some visitors!" She smiled brightly. Demyx smiled back.

The nurse led in Zexion, Axel, and Larxene. All of them were smiling. Axel had a bouquet of daisies wrapped in green and blue paper. He set them down on the table and walked over to Demyx. "Hey Waterboy, how's it going?" He smiled again and sat down in a chair beside the bed. Axel's bright green eyes sparkled, as if there was a bonfire inside of him. Even his cherry-red hair looked brighter. Demyx smiled. If he was imagining it, he didn't want it to end.

Zexion stepped to the opposite side of the bed and took Demyx's hand. "Hi Demyx." He had a smile on his face, though it was half- hidden by his bluish hair. Larxene stood next to Axel, her slick, bright blonde hair standing out next to Axel's red. Her bright blue eyes flashed with electricity.

"How are you Demyx? Nurses treating you well?" She smiled and slid a candy bar onto the bed. "I brought you some medicine." She winked. Larxene and the nurse had something in common, but Larxene's chocolate addiction was probably much stronger. Demyx took the candy bar and opened it.

"Thanks, Larx. I don't know how much longer I could've lasted..." He took a bite of it and chewed it slowly, with his eyes closed. "Heaven on earth... salvation, thy name is chocolate!!"

Axel, Larxene, and Zexion laughed. Demyx finished the candy bar and slipped the wrapper under the mattress. Axel smiled. "OUt of sight, out of mind. Right Waterboy?" He raised his eyebrow and laughed. " I did teach you something!"

Zexion laughed too. "Been using Dance Water Dance lately, Demyx?" Zexion asked. His voice sounded so much lighter.

Demyx nodded. "I smacked a doctor that tried to make that woman take a shot she didn't need." He pointed to the woman on the bed next to him.. She smiled at them.

"He sure did! I don't know how he did it, but it was amazing." She grinned.

Axel stepped up to the plate. "Hi! Never noticed you here before. I'm Axel." He did a little bow and almost tripped over. Everyone laughed, including Axel.

Larxene giggled, something she rarely ever did. "Ignore him. He's a Cassanova poser. I'm Larxene. Nice to meet you." She smiled. "Did you just recently get here? I've never seen you before." She said inquisitively. Larxene was curious, no doubt about it.

"The curtain is always up." She shrugged. "I don't think you told me your name, yet. May I ask?" she said to Zexion.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I'm Zexion. Pleased to meet you." He extended his hand. The woman shook it, laughing.

"Now THERE'S a gentleman!" She laughed. "My name is Esther Koringwood. It's nice to meet you all." She smiled. Just then, the Pretty nurse walked in.

"Mrs. Koringwood? You have some visitors requesting 'Momma!'" She led in two children, a boy and a girl. Both of them had brown hair like their mother. Ester Koringwood smiled. "Hello little ones!"

The two children hopped up on the bed. "Hi momma! We missed you!" They said in unison, their voices like bells in the large room. Demyx smiled.

"So you're a mom, huh?" He looked at the children and smiled. "Wow. Talk about willful... two of 'em."

Axel smiled. The little girl jumped off the bed and tugged on his jeans. "You have red hair like my dollie!" She waved a Raggedy Andy doll in the air. Axel laughed and picked her up. "Is your name Andy? My dollie's name is Andy. He's afraid of the dark just like me." She shuddered.

Axel smiled again. "No. My name isn't Andy. It's Axel. and I'm not afraid of anything!" Axel strick one of his 'heroic' poses. The little girl gaped at him.

"Not afraid of anything?" She said, her eyes wide. "Not even those scary heartless that live in the street? Or the dark?"

Axel grinned. "Nope. Not the heartless. Not even the dark. Do you know why?" He set her on the floor and knelt down next to her. "It's a secret. A very special secret. Do you want to hear it?"

The little girl stared at him. "Yes!! Oh yes please!" She clutched her doll. "Please tell me, Mr. Axel!"

Zexion stood with his arms crossed. "Oh yes, Axel. Do tell."

The little boy leaped down next to his sister. "Tell me too!"

Axel laughed. He cupped his hands together. "Well, the secret is..." He smiled. "You have to believe in yourself." The two children looked confused. "You have to believe that you can beat anyone and anything. You have to be brave, and it helps when you have people you love and care about by your side." He opened his hands. There was a small flame in each of them. "I'm not afraid of anything. Except losing those people."

The children gaped at his hands. "HOw did you DO that?" The little boy said, staring at the flame.

Axel laughed. " I believe in myself. Do you want to see something really cool?" Axel looked at the children.

"Yes! Yes!" They chorused.

Mrs. Koringwood stared at Axel. "How did he do that? Is he going to play with fire with my children?" She sounded worried.

Zexion set a cool hand on her arm. "Don't worry. Axel may be a daredevil, but he knows what he's doing. He won't let anything happen to them. Axel's a pro pyro. You should watch. This could get interesting." Zexion took a seat on the edge of Demyx's bed. "Just watch."

Axel shook his hands in the air. The small flames went out. The children moaned. "Aww... why did you do that?" The little boy said.

"Those are nothing compared to what I can do." Axel grinned. "Okay, now just sit down." The children did as they were told. Axel stretched his arms out and his hands were engulfed in orange flame. The children stared in awe. Axel began waving his hands through the air. He was breathing differently.

Mrs. Koringwood stared. "Is your friend alright? His breathing is a bit strange."

Larxene laughed. "It's what he does. He has to adjust the levels of oxygen in the air to keep the fire alive."

Axel smiled. "Here we go..." He smacked his hands together, and the bright flame around his hands went out. The children stared at him, eyes wide as dinner plates. Axel smiled and wiped his forehead with his arm, keeping his hands together. "Ready?"

The children nodded. Demyx, Larxene, Zexion, and Mrs. Koringwood found themselves nodding too. Axel smiled and knelt down. "Now, the strongest parts of you are in your heart, and your mind. If you really trust in yourself, you can do amazing things." Axel opened his hands. Inside, was a perfect heart, made from living flame. "See? If you trust me, touch it. But only if you really believe you won't get burned. This fire can be as cool as water, or as hot as lava. You just have to look straight at me and believe." Axel looked at the children. "Do you believe?"

The little girl looked at Axel, her face hard. "I believe." She reached into his hand and grabbed the fire. "I can do it! I can really do it!" She beamed. "Look Momma! Look!"

Mrs. Koringwood stared. "I've seen a lot of things... but now... this is amazing."

Demyx closed his eyes. "And you shall be delivered from the furnace, unharmed." He smiled. Demyx reached over to the bottle of water by his bed. He smiled and said loudly, "Dance, water! Dance!" The water within the bottle sprung out. Demyx waved his hands in the air and the water mimicked his motion. The children turned to him. They were gaping.

Axel raised his eyebrows. "Are you challenging me?"

Demyx laughed. "Maybe so!" The little girl jumped up on Demyx's bed. "Are you guys angels?"

Axel and Demyx both looked surprised. "What?" They said in unison.

"You know, angels have special powers. They can make mountains move, and they can talk to animals, and they can make people better!" She crawled onto Demyx's lap. "Why can't you heal yourself up, Mr. Demyx?"

Demyx looked at her and smiled sadly. "I'm not an angel..." He looked at the little girl's face. "I can show you how to do this with water, though!"

The little girl smiled. "I think I know how!" She took the bottle of water, which was still only half full. "Umm... Dance water! Dance!" The water inside the bottle twitched a little, and fell back down. "Aww..."

Demyx touched her hand. "You've got to believe. Think of someone you love very much, and then say it." Demyx said, casting a glance on Zexion, who winked at him and smiled. The silver-haired man touched his shoulder and squeezed it.

The little girl clenched her eyes tightly. "Okay. Dance water! DANCE!" She said. The water exploded out of the bottle. Demyx stared in amazement. The little girl giggled. She started to draw a picture in the air. Three stick figures holding hands, one with spikey hair and wings, one small one with pigtails, and another tall one with a rocker-style haircut and a pair of wings. Demyx blinked.

"I'm not a very good artist..." the little girl's smile faded a bit.

Demyx saw this and smiled. "NO! You're a great artist! Really." He lened to her and whispered, "You're better than Axel, that's for sure."

The little girl giggled as Axel lightly punched Demyx in the shoulder. The Pretty nurse came in. "Anna, Peter! You're daddy is here to pick you up!" THe two children moaned.

"WE don't wanna go!" They whined. Their mother laughed.

"Don't worry, you can come back tomorrow." She smiled and hugged the two children. "And I think all your new friends will be here, too. Will you?" She turned to Zexion, Axel and Larxene.

Axel smiled. "Of COURSE we will! We visit Demyx every day! We'll be here tomorrow! No worries." He said as the little girl hugged his left leg. He patted her on the head and whispered something in her ear. "Make sure you don't tell anyone except your brother, mmkay? It's a super-big secret. I can't wait to tell him myself!" He stood up and the little girl looked towards Demyx and giggled.

The Pretty nurse smiled. "Now now. Come one! You're daddy's waiting!" She took the children by the hands and led them out. Just outside the door, the little girl pulled away. She ran back into the room and jumped up on Demyx's bed. She smiled and wrapped her small arms around his chest. Demyx smiled, with no idea what to do. The little girl released him and tucked her doll next to him in the bed. "Andy will make you better. He's a lot braver now and wants to make sure you don't get scared of the dark!" She kissed Demyx's cheek and hopped down. "Bye! I'll see you tomorrow!" With that, she ran out to the nurse and walked away.

Axel smiled. "Cute kids you've got, Mrs. Koringwood."

Mrs. Koringwood smiled back at him. "Thank you. You know, my children are normally very shy. They cry at the drop of a hat, not to mention how afraid they are of stangers. I wonder why they were drawn to you four... that's very strange. any ideas?"

Demyx, Axel, Larxene, and Zexion looked at each other, contemplating their answers. Zexion looked at her, without expression he said, "I don't know. I suppose we're just.. magnetic?" He smiled. "I haven't a clue!!!" He laughed.

The Pretty nurse came back in. "The doctor wants to speak with a 'Zexion', please." She looked at him. "And please don't kill him. He's only doing his job." She smiled, probably an inside joke with what he had said the previous day.

Zexion nodded. "I'll be right there." He stood up and bent over Demyx. "I'll see you tomorrow, Demy-chan." He planted a gentle kiss on the corner of Demyx's mouth. With that said and done, he walked out to the doctor.

Axel and Larxene looked at each other. "We should go too." Axel said. He slipped the CD player to Demyx. "Here." Axel and Larxene turned to leave. Larxene stopped and walked back to Demyx. She leaned over and slid a piece of paper into the doll's hat.

"For luck. Seeya tomorrow, Demyx." she smiled and followed Axel out.

Demyx looked out the window at his friends talking to the doctor. Zexion had his arms crossed. The doctor said something and his friends looked awestruck. Zexion yelled something and jumped up. It must have been pretty good news for solemn, composed Zexion to act like that. Demyx smiled.

_I guess my luck is changing. Finally..._

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_**To be continued.**_


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